
Reflections

THE QUESTION IS, WHY?
Why did I decide to dance? Initially, I hated my job, and my boyfriend of the moment threw the classifieds at me and said, "find a new job". At 18 I had developed an 'attitude' of sorts - maybe not a good one, but an attitude none the less. I was being silly when I pointed out the ad for a dance instructor saying, "oh, I could do that!". He dialed the number, handed me the phone and left the room. I was so shocked; I didn't realize I could have just hung up! I set up the interview, got the job and here I am, but why have I stayed for 23 years scraping and scrounging in the early days to make ends meet when I could have just picked up that paper again and taken a steadier job? Because I fell in love with the promise of Hollywood-like glamour and chased after the illusive butterfly of idyllic romance in the arms of Prince Charming on the dance floor. I had built my happily-ever-after within the first couple months of employment!
All fairy tales have a dragon, but real life has a whole herd! My Mother spent years asking me when I was going to get a real job. I repeatedly told her I had one. She knew better than to continue further questioning and was always there to lend an ear or a shoulder, give me the best advice she could and be my #1 fan on those rare occasions when all turned out as planned. One day, she finally asked the million-dollar question: why was I so consumed by a career that I put so much time and effort into only to be left, so often, unhappy with the outcome, be physically and emotionally drained and be the proud owner of an almost non-existent bank account? "Because I love it," was the best I could come up with at the time.
Now that I have had about 23 years to think about it, I believe I have a better answer. I love the creative outlet it gives me. I am the queen of my own little universe. My success or failure is dependent solely upon me and my abilities. I love to make things beautiful. I enjoy people. I enjoy meeting them, hearing their stories, sharing experiences and lending a shoulder or an ear if necessary. "My ladies" make me feel good about me. They make me feel wanted, needed and respected. They educate me. They inspire me. They allow me to be me even while I am still trying to figure 'me' out!
This industry, with all its crazy twists and turns, good moments and bad, makes me feel alive! On the surface it may seem like the same old thing over and over, but if you break it down, you will notice a multitude of facets (and flaws) that miraculously come together to make this industry what it is - a precious gem to be loved and cherished! ------
Originally published July/August 2008 edition of Dance Notes
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